Saturday, January 31, 2009

牛劲@触景伤情

Date: 31.1.2009, Time: 4.15pm, Location: Hongkie Kopitiam E-Gate

Am supposed to enjoy a yumcha session with friends I terserempak-ed. But I just can't help it when I looked into the menu...


初恋.. chu lian.. chor luin.. first love..

Damn! Why does honey lemon has to be named that way?? Is it fated that the drink is named like this, that she's my first love, and that we indeed loved that drink together?? Actually, we loved anything with honey: honey lemon, honey milk, honey ginseng, honey chicken...


鸳鸯... yuan yang... yin yong...

Settled for this instead. Basically, in terms of drinks, yin yong is coffee mixed with tea. We also call them cham at the mamak.

Ironically, yin yong also signifies a lovey-dovey couple. Would have been, but can never be, ever again....

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

沉溺

也许是我自己不肯放下吧。多数是我自己不肯原谅我自己吧。都好几个礼拜了,表面上大概都控制得住了,可心灵依然停留在重创中,一点都没有平复过。

我很乱,真的很乱。我不知道该如何是好。让我别再想妳,那大概是《Mission Impossible X》吧。不过越想就越糊涂,越想就越痛苦,越是糊涂就越是执著地去怀念,越是痛苦就越是沉溺在那不断地自我惩罚。

这几天在家,闲着没事做,没事做就自动会去想念妳啊。所以这几天几乎都无时无刻地在想念妳,无时无刻地在回想起我们那许许多多地回忆。

我从来都不相信电影里那些爱情情节。不可能会有那些过分凄美,刻骨铭心的爱情吧。拍拖最多甜蜜半年而已吧?可是,为什么,为什么我现在感觉却和那些电影里分手/分离的家伙那么相似?我现在真的能够深深体会那些爱情片子里想要表达的意境。我,再也不会吧爱情片当笑片来看了。

今天,我翻覆听了同一首歌,我们的饮歌。

不是为了什么回报 所以关怀;不是为了什么明天 所以期待;
因为我是一个人 只能够对感觉坦白;
只是为了你一句话 我全身摇摆;只是为了一个笑容 爱就存在;
那些想太多的人 有生之年都不会明白;

因为爱 所以爱 温柔经不起安排;
愉快那么快 不要等到互相伤害;
因为爱 所以爱 感情不必拿来慷慨;
谁也不用给我 一个美好时代 我要你现在。

我时常都会爽爽就唱几句给妳听,妳总是会傻笑,然后叫我别闹了。每次我们去 RedBox 二人世界时,这首歌总是逃不掉,成为必点的歌曲。这些,我全都记得。我看,下一次我有到K场的话,我肯定会点这个来唱。

Monday, January 26, 2009

牛劲@年初一(Nin Chor Yat)

Early morning, early waking up, early 接财神 jip choi san @ welcoming the God of Wealth, early breakfast...

Lame afternoon, lame evening, lame movie, lame concert show, lame heat...

Overpriced pasar @ market at night: overpriced huat kuih, overpriced banana, overpriced papaya, overpriced lettuce...

But then, there's good ang pows, good mom cooked lunch, and good mom cooked dinner...

恭喜发财 Gong Xi Fa Cai, Happy Chinese New Year, may all our wishes come true, and may Obama succeed in his reigns, because if he does, we are all good...

新年

刚过了12点,现在是大年初一了。

想妳,还是那么地想妳。

本来前天是要到妳家去一趟的,不过反复沉思了过后,还是多2天才去吧。

至少,让我在大家面前能够一如往常般地过新年,我知道,如果去了妳家,肯定会看到很多值得回忆的东西,那时我就真的会完全没有mental energy去应付这佳节了。

最近都没有流泪了,大概是泪水都流干了吧。只剩下忧郁感陪伴着我。这样也好,没有泪水就比较容易不在别人面前暴露我对已经离去的妳那份强烈的执着感,比较容易隐藏我其实还是那么地脆弱。

不知道妳能不能看到,我选择相信妳是有看到的,虽然这很矛盾,不过还是,祝妳新年快乐吧。

Sunday, January 25, 2009

牛劲@CNY Eve

I don't know why I'm doing this @ blog, I suppose it's because I have nothing better to do on CNY Eve.

Just updated my short message column, and removed some links from my blog roll that I no longer follow due to lack of updates/not same wavelength.

Had our reunion dinner at a restaurant near my house earlier.. it's been quite some while since we last ate out for reunion dinner. It wasn't a good experience this time round. The food was ill prepared, overpriced, and the service... well, u know, we took those set package, something like what we get during wedding dinners... we paid the price of the package, of course we expect the dishes to be served 1 by 1.. but they serve the dishes together, very quickly, much too quick for our comfort. It was as if we were rushed to finish our meal and get the hell out of the restaurant.. Gah!! Don't wanna talk about it anymore.. 1 word: SHUCKS!

Ah.. 1 more thing.. changed my title theme again. I figured it would be better to do away with negative themes.. 缺钱 que qian = Lack of money.. replace it with 牛劲 niu jing = bullish.. we all probably need that...

I don't know how my CNY will turn out this year. I'd still spend quality time with family, maybe take a day or 2 to hang out with friends, hope they'd be good. I know I'll be missing her like mad.. in fact, I already am...

Hope you guys will have a much more happening and memorable CNY~

Saturday, January 24, 2009

缺钱@Superhero

I left my place @ I Suria 6.00am yesterday morning.. crossed the bridge and entered the PLUS highway about 6.30am.. and all the way back to KL, we saw this:


It's like that almost all the way back to KL, even when we reached the Jalan Duta toll, the cars queuing up looked 10 times worse than the normal Penang Bridge toll during peak hours.

It felt like those scenes in the movies, you know, where something happened eg terrorist attack/monster rampaging, and everyone is evacuating the city, and then there's an idiot @k@ superhero who is going in the opposite direction, into the heart of action. While driving the distance, it felt like I was the superhero, hahahaha XD

You know, for once, it felt good to be a KLite plying his trade in Penang, and not a Penangite slogging in out in KL. On a few occasions, I did the noble thing of waving to the opposite direction, trying to cheer them on in their ordeal of being stuck in traffic.

Happy Chinese 牛(Cow) Year everyone~!!!

Friday, January 23, 2009

缺钱@Thank You...

Thank you for being able to leave work early today and spend the time with me. I really appreciate it, it was really nice hanging out with you, after not meeting up for so long...

Thank you for listening me up on all my woes. That really helped me alot, I was struggling to cope recently and couldn't really find anyone who is willing, and that I am really comfortable with to spill things out. I really feel better now, although the pain will probably follow me for life...

Thank you for the Manhattan fish meal. It has always been a luxury for me to be in that place, and with my paycut recently, even more so. I've always enjoyed the dory there, and I know you're aware of it. Really enjoyed my meal.

Thank you for suggesting a movie that you know I like but I also know that you don't really like. I know you don't really understand what's going on throughout the movie, but trying to pretend to be enjoying it all the while. Actually I felt quite guilty to put you through the movie.


Thank you for slapping me hard on my tummy when I wanted to buy the popcorn, and reminding me of my weight and the necessity to reduce it, although now I am actually munching Jusco's Potato Wedges while typing this post...

Thank you for slapping me hard on my back when I wasn't noticing. You said it was to give my nerves a shock, to shock me back to life. It really did it, the trick, at least momentarily. Now that I mentioned, you probably would do it more when we meet up again next time..

Last but not least, thank you for being a close friend to me, for being my 知己, even though you are aware of my frequent, and lately become permanent, mood swings. You are really the best 靓姐 that I can ever have. Thank you, muacksss!!!!!

I know you will be reading this soon, because I will inform you and bug you to read...

Thursday, January 22, 2009

缺钱@I'm sorry...

I'm sorry that I've been updating what probably seems crap to many of you people. The thing is, I actually am not treating those posts as updates for the viewing public. It's more like a message, a vent of frustration to someone who I will never be able to meet, or even talk to, anymore.

I'm sorry to all the bananas and potatoes that read my blog, I totally have no intention to translate the recent few posts into English. Like I said, these are primarily meant as messages to a special someone, who is no longer around.

I'm sorry that I'll probably make posts such as these quite frequently from now on, because I really cannot find any other better means to vent out my sadness and frustration. If you don't like it, just ignore these posts, or ignore my blog altogether. I wouldn't mind it.

I'm sorry that I'm really not in the mood to make very many meaningful posts, and I highly suspect that I wont be in quite some while. I've been going through quite alot lately, and I really find it hard to cope with all of them coming in 1 shot. I'll need all the time I can have to get my bearings right and come to terms with what's hit me.

I'm sorry that I get into mood swings and mental seclusions much more frequently now that I did previously. I believe the main thing that hit me hard, is something that I have to face all by my own. I don't think anyone around me would be able to understand what I'm going through, and I certainly hope that nobody would, because if anyone understands, it means he/she has been through this situation before and that's very unfortunate.

I'm sorry that I've off-ed the comments for this previous few posts, and I'll off them too when I make this type of posts in the future. I don't want my messages to Elene be commented.

I'm sorry that nobody knows who Elene is, and I'm not gonna disclose more about who she is, apart from the fact that she is in fact the person in this previous few posts. Just figure it out yourselves, it's pretty obvious actually if you read and use your analytical skills.

Financial downturn and psychological downturn happening together, that's pretty tough don't you think. Will try to emerge from them a stronger person. Until then, once again, I'm sorry....

Sunday, January 18, 2009

郁闷

周末原来真的不行。应该说,闲着的时候都不行。上班时还好,虽然也是会想,会痛,但是碍于要面对人群,心理会自动调整去把一半注意力放在日常生活上。周末没事做,由其是今天,在家一个人,回到公司收拾一点首尾,也是独自一个人,一整天整个人的思绪都乱了。

估计是昨晚我睡觉的时候发过来的,今天收到了一个我意想不到的人发过来的电邮。起初是真的很在意的,不过想想下,还是决定不要回邮了。反正也不知道要怎么回。不过,

Please, folks, you know who you are, this thing, is mainly between me and Elene. If you people wanna have a go at someone, please, pick on me. I deserve whatever you people wanna throw at me, a million times over. Just don't pick on the wrong person who really has no responsibility on this regrettable occurrence. He's just a passerby in our story, he's moved on, please leave him alone...

只在公司呆了一下,把该做的都做了,就离开了。开着车子在 Bayan Lepas 地区兜圈子,团团转,转了又转,终于来到 Sunshine Square 外面看到了2家快餐店并列着。其中一家的午餐优惠配套,是我们常光顾它的主要原因。脑海突然闪出一个念头,我要做一些以前和妳还没有机会一起做的事情。于是就走进了隔壁那家,点了它每次将近农历新年才推出的配套。

发财配套

边吃,脑子里边想,2年不算长,可也不短,我们以前真的一起度过了许多美好的日子,一起做过很多很多的事情,甜蜜过,奢侈过,疯癫过,温暖过。不过,还有更多更多事情是我们没有机会一起去体验过,还没有也不可能会再有的。

我现在感到最大的遗憾,就是不曾试过和妳一起出国旅行。突然,我有了一个很强烈的愿望,一个已经不肯能实现的愿望:我很想带妳去欧洲旅行,去那些我曾经到过的地方,也去一些我还没到过的地方。去巴塞隆纳看大教堂/斗牛,去捷克看古堡,去希腊看古迹/爱神。

记得妳曾经说过,如果我到澳洲去旅行,妳可以当导游,带我到处去吃,到处去玩。现在想起这番话就赶到懊恼,我看我可能这辈子都不会到澳洲去了。

还有一个礼拜就是农历新年了。不知道我应该抱着怎样的心情,怎样的期待去度过今年的节日。。。

Saturday, January 17, 2009

感触

本来渐渐可以入眠了,一天大概能睡个4-5个小时,不知道是不是周末的关系,昨晚又是彻夜未眠。

有件事情我真的很懊恼,很耿耿于怀。我们本来就不是很擅长拍照的人,也没有拍下很多照片,前阵子又碰巧我的电脑硬碟正式“报废”,我现在真的没有半张你的照片,想妳的时候想要看看你的样子,也只能够靠记忆来拼图了,虽然现在妳的样子在我脑海里还是很清楚的。

今天和一些朋友去了Gurney Plaza闲逛,原以为去那是想要随便乱走,散下心。可是,经过一家蛮高档的家具店时,突然又有所感触了。

我看到一套客厅家具,有沙发,咖啡座,地毯,和几张小椅子。我看那一眼,我就觉得妳肯定会很喜欢。如果我当时没有婉拒妳,如果我们现在还在一起的话,也许再过几年,这套客厅家具能够摆放在我们安居小乐窝里。

走下走下,突然瞄到一对情侣手挽着手。女生突然低下头,向男生的手臂咬下去。啊!这不就是看见我们以前时常嬉闹的影子吗?咬手臂,咬耳垂,挽着腰连在一起走,碰鼻子,以前甜蜜的画面突然一一闪过脑海里。

今天,我还是买了这个:


这是我这个星期里第二次买了。看到这个,真的让我很感慨。RM8.70/100gram,现在的我们(如果妳还在的话),这大概不是什么贵重的东西了。不过,回想起当时,彼此都还是学生,而且零钱不算多,以这个价钱来买几片饼干,真的是一大奢侈。还记得吗?我们几乎每次看电影时都不是买popcorn的,而是“偷运” 一包 200gram 的饼干进去吃。当时的价钱是RM15.90,我还记得。我今天只买了 100gram 包装的,因为现在只剩下我一个人了。

上天让我这个时候在槟城度过,也算是对我的一份仁慈吧。如果我还是在KL打滚的话,我看我会更容易看到很多我们的过去和回忆。这里因为没有我们的共同回忆,所以相较之下,也没有太多的直接触发点。
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To my 朋友们, sorry that I still look like a zombie and wander off alone occasionally, will try to get my head geared up properly soon...

Friday, January 16, 2009

回忆

准准一个星期了,那股强烈的思念和愧疚感依然还在,而且有增无减。

这几天,我重新开始投入工作了。我不知道我是不是快要精神分裂了,说了我要尽量去适应永远没有妳的现实,工作时我的表现还不错,面对工作伙伴还是能够有说有笑,不过当我上厕所/去休息间拿饮料的短短路程中,眼泪好像很自然的会出现在眼眶里。回到座位时又会很自然的恢复笑容。

这几天总是看到什么东西都会联想到妳。出外午餐时,到了小贩中心突然吹起大风,几个撑着大伞的桌子被风吹倒了,还记得我们半周年的前一个星期,我们去的那个小贩中心,情况也是差不多这样。在公司里的cafeteria里看到蛋tart,就自然而然地想起我们一起逛巴刹时等那个闻名方圆数公里的新鲜蛋tart出炉。今天午餐在cafeteria里点了素荷叶饭,记得我们第一次去逛园游会也吃了这个。就连我看到Network Analyzer里的waveform也感慨,我们的感情和我现在的心情也是如此:起落不定。

不过总比完全失落,不去上班来得好吧。至少我现在可以在人群面前渐渐地恢复生活了吧。

我知道妳一直以来都有在看我的部落格,每次我看到数据显示有来自Australia的traffic,我很肯定是妳。也许因为这样,所以我会在这里写这些,希望妳离去了依然能看见,因为我真的很想,可是不知道可以用什么方式传达信息给妳了。

希望妳真的能够看到。。。

缺钱@River

Even with recession facing, and the company has already announced many proactive cost cutting measures, but with the number of NPIs expected to come in this year, I can't help but keep dreaming that if I do well, I might have the chance to travel to our US site soon, and therefore can't help but keep browsing the web for info of the place our site is located in...

But I came across this

Lava Falls Rapid on Colorado River, along Grand Canyon National Park.. I was really looking for Colorado, and Grand Canyon is closer to Arizona and Vegas -.-"

Anyway, the sight of this picture triggered me to think of something my taichi teacher used to tell me back when I was practicing it. What?? I'm telling the truth la, I used to practice taichi for a short while when I was in Form 4/Form5, and much longer before that, when I was in primary school, I practiced a few years of kungfu! Darn, I know you guys won't believe it!! Nevermind!!

Back to the topic, so my taichi teacher used to tell me: "Go with the flow".

It's like a chain reaction, when I thought of this phrase, I begin to remember what the trainers used to tell us when we go camping in a forest reserve when I was actively involved in the scouts movement (maroon color 3 sticks badge if you know what that means) in high school.
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If ever you find yourself trapped in a rapidly flowing river *read river, not stream/longkang*, please bear this in mind: always go with the flow. Do not try to oppose the current, even if your destination is in that direction.

You may not know where the river flow takes you to, but every rapid has it's end, and you can wade your way out easily after that. At least your life is spared. Who knows, maybe by going with the flow, you might be able to discover a new place, a new destination, a better destination.

But if you go against the rapids, you'll just strain yourself, and when your stamina finally gives in, you drown. Even if you are strong, your stamina might be better than others, but you're not robot, you'll just last abit longer than others. And then, while you're at it, who knows, maybe a log, or a big rock, might come your way and take you out. Either way, jalan mati 死路一条.

If you are even that much stronger than others, it might be wiser to notice that things are not quite right, then make your way to the banks and make your exit while you still have to energy to do so, before it's too late. You can instead walk along the river, no need to insist on jumping into it, or staying in it.
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I also recall a chatter with a pakcik in a kampung while I was doing a countryside visit with 1 of the holiday camps I joined during high school...

Kalau nak ke mana-mana, jalan sungai lagi cepat dan senang, tapi kenalah kalau tempat yang nak pergi tu dekat dengan sungai. Kalau sungai tak sampai, atau arus bertentangan, susah juga. Tapi kampung ni ada 2 sungai, tengoklah nak ke mana. Kalau tak, jalan pun boleh.
[If you wanna go anywhere, going by river is much faster and more convenient, but your destination needs to be close to the river. If it's not accessible by river, or it is upstream, then it's tough too. But this village has 2 rivers, depends on where you wanna go. Otherwise, you can walk too.]

Yeah... sometimes, if the river is really not good for you, instead of wasting your time straying further away from your destination, you should make the correct choice of getting out and look for another river that is good for you, or use other means of traveling instead.
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Rivers are amazing, aren't they? Like the ancient Chinese wise men say: 水能载舟,亦能覆舟. Water can float a boat, can also sink it.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Chinese New Year Snacks

I'm really doing this because someone is trying to distract me from thinking about sad things.

I'm being offered reward of flesh kuih in return of doing this advertorial, hehe :-)
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Okay, so.. Chinese New Year is fast approaching, ya? And what will Chinese New Year be if there's no snacks at home during the festive season? What will you serve guests who will come visit you at home?

Screw the economic downturn, we all need to celebrate, and we all need our kuih, right? At least, I'd need them. I'd rather die if I don't get my fair share of festive junk food, to be honest.

And you see, this friend of mine here, her mom sells all sorts of Chinese New Year delicacy at reasonable prices. I've tasted most of them beforehand, so I can tell you, they're really good. Maybe I should say, they come from Penang, since most of you guys have a thing for Penang food hehehe =)

I'll just give you guys the photos of the kuihs available...

Rice cracker, and Sesame cracker which they call mua lao

Peanut cookies

Ribbon crackers

They told me is called ciku.. I think in KL we call it nga gu chips

Bee Hives!! RECOMMENDED!!!

This 1 is absolutely mind blowing! Bee Hives in KL used to taste like this one, until the recent few years where they started to taste weird and awful. If you share my sentiments and miss the Bee Hives of few years back, then this one is absolutely awesome! I got a tin last year and they were gone within minutes!

Kuih Bangkit... some call it kuih bangkek.. melts in the mouth..

Pineapple tarts

Almond cookies (RECOMMENDED by my friend herself)

Green bean cookies

Muruku (RECOMMENDED by my friend herself too)

Wait a minute... I thought muruku is an Anneh delicacy? Nevermind...

Milo!! RECOMMENDED!!!

Wtf?! Milo?? Of course... not... It's just something that is usually stored inside used Milo tins. Kuih Kapit, some call it Kuih Kapet or Kuih Kapek, my grandma calls in Kuih Tapet =.=" But this 1 also absolutely blows you out of the water! I don't have the picture of it here, but I'm sure you guys know what I'm saying about, right?

Price list:

Rice cracker/Mua Lao - RM3/pack
Peanut cookies - RM14
Ribbon crackers - RM13
Ciku - RM12
Bee Hive - RM14
Kuih Bangkit - RM14
Pineapple tarts - RM17
Almond cookies - RM17
Green bean cookies - RM17
Muruku - RM15
Kuih Kapit - RM18

How to order:

Since my friend wants to remain low profile, you can just drop me a message if u really wanna buy, and I'll pass it on to her. By the way, delivery is only available in Penang. KL is fine, if you can wait till next Saturday 24th Jan 2009, because I'll only be heading back on that day and I'll do the delivery. The format of your message should be as below:

Name:
Contact No:
Type of snack/quantity:

As for methods of contact, you can leave it in the Comment section here, or drop me an email at realgunners@gmail.com. I will get back to you ASAP =)
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You see, I don't really expect to see any orders coming in like this, because I don't have Kenny Sia's fehmes-dom, but if something really comes by, I'd be pleasantly surprised, so I'll keep checking my email and comments at least a few times daily wahahahaha XD

缺钱@Sports

Was thinking of commenting on a certain blog post, but I figured that it would be too long so I decided to do it here, and I'm pretty sure the relevant person would find his way here sooner or later.

I'm not really in a wonderful state of mind myself at the moment, to be honest, but I think I'm good enough to be able to offer my opinion. So, below is actually what I intended to comment:
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

You see friend, when it comes to sports, some of us just don't have the talent. This talent thing comes naturally, so no matter how hard we try, some of us are just destined to be fringe players, on the substitute bench, playing the supporting role while watching, in volleyball's case, the spikers at work.

Some of us can accept that fact, and they are totally fine with being out of the limelights, they understand that in the competitive environment, emotions tend to get high, scoldings don't really have any malicious intentions, and when you sucks, it's natural that you are avoided as much as possible, since the team wants to win the game.

When this happens, you either can accept it, or you don't. I don't know any volleyball superstars name, so I'll use Manchester United for example. You see Darren Fletcher. He'll never be an automatic 1st choice with the Red Devils. His only hope in getting games are when there are major injury problems. There was David Beckham, then Becks is gone, and he's still not gonna get his big break, because in comes Cristiano Ronaldo.

But he's persevered. He loves his game, and he loves his club, so even if it means spending a prolonged time on the bench, out of the starting 11, he'd gladly cheer his team on. After all, not everyone is born with talent like Ronaldo, he just doesn't.

If you can't accept it, you'd be like Becks. Things got bad, and he just moved on, to Real Madrid, and then to LA Galaxy when Madrid proves to be not that great a place to be as well. Or you can be like Michael Jordan, quits the basketball game he loves so much to go play baseball and golf. Some people are probably like that. You love your game so much that you can't stand to be playing reserved roles.

But, either you accept or don't accept that you just don't have that X-factor to be a star in the game, the worst thing you can do is refusing to back off and trying to force the issue. There are people like Kieran Richardson or even David Bentley the ex-Arsenal man, who I don't know if anyone realised before, were always sent out on loans of 1 season, then came back in the summer and vowed to stay and fight for their places, and in no time got loaned out again, until they finally decided that enough is enough and moved on. Once they moved on, Richardson is now doing quite well with Sunderland, Bentley did well with Blackburn and is a strong candidate for the England team.

So you see, sometimes going with the flow is so much better than trying to cling on and force the issue. It makes life easier for all parties, and it allows you to find the thing that is really the right thing for you. For your case, either you can continue to love the game by being the fringe player that you are or watch it by the side if you really feel isolated, or you can just pay more attention to gym.

As for me, well I like watching volleyball, either on TV or on the sidelines, because there's lots of hot chicks playing it whenever I watch the Olympics or state meets. But I don't play it, I prefer football and basketball, so I can't really comment on the technical skills :-)

Anyway, that's life la friend, get on with it...

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I'm sorry for all the nonsense that I caused in the past few days. Totally didn't intended it, but what's done is done, besides saying I'm sorry, I can only cling on to the small hope that things will get back to normal.

It's just that I'm being extremely depressed for this past few days. I have been depressed before, but this one beats all the previous others combined by a million times if not more.

Thanks for all the concerns I received, I really appreciate them. But I also appreciate if you guys could just get back to normality, get on with life. What I'm going through is not something that what you guys offer can offset, and I seriously do not wish to affect everyone else with my predicament.

In all honesty, I really need to talk. I mean, talk to someone who I know can understand my current sentiments and offer appropriate advices. But I don't think there's anyone around me at the moment that is up to the task, because this is simply what I believe non of you guys has ever encountered before. So, the 2nd best alternative would be to just leave me alone to bear with this thing for as long as I can.

I'm not fine. To be frank, I'm absolutely not fine at all. I will tell that out straight because I am not one who will try to pretend to be fine even when I'm not. In fact, I don't think I will ever be fine again, ever, but I will try to bear with this extra burden to the best of my ability. I don't want anyone to pity me and do any thing that they usually don't do. Just let it be. All I want is just to inform you guys that I am in fact really not fine just so you know, but I don't want any special attention because it will only annoy me more.

I need friends, I really do. I really appreciate it last night. But I also know that my face is a sore sight at the moment. I am trying to get over it and get used with the thing I'm facing now, but I don't know how long it will take. If it gets unbearable, my dejected look, just cut me out of whatever loops/equations available without hesitation. I won't have any objections with that as well.

I left work an hour early yesterday, and I took another half day off today, in the hope that I can sort my mind out. It proves to be futile. I'm as messed up now as I am last Friday since I 1st heard of the bad news. But I won't be taking any more leaves for this. If I continue to take leaves because of this, very soon I'll end up jobless again. I'm already mentally strained, it's not wise to destroy my financial income as well. Peggy is right, and I know that too.

Just to clarify, for those who might "think too much", no.. my current terrible predicament has got nothing to do with Cath. In fact, actually, I might be the one that caused her mood swing as well, all because of some stupid things I said. I'm really very sorry for that, and you guys can come and have a go at me as you please too.

I'm at a lost on what else to say. Tomorrow, I will start to give everything I've got to incorporate whatever this burden may bring into myself and get on with life. For today, just let me indulge in my pathetic state of mind and sulk, since I've already taken leave and therefore should not waste it.

放纵

今天的确比昨天差。昨晚一样没有睡好。今天还是请了半天假,因为我知道以我今天的EQ,呆在公司里是死路一条。

原本想要好像昨天一样开着车子四处乱闯,不过在我的混乱中,我很清楚知道,以我现在的思绪,如果还要开车,很大可能会撞车,所以我选择了回到我的住所。

也许,撞车对我来说也未尝不是一个快速解脱的方式,如果撞到我一命呜呼,那我很快就可以到妳现在所在的地方。不过如果撞不死,就等于害了自己也苦了很多我身边的人。

我还不至于要做些自寻短见的傻事。现不要说这些了。

和妳家人通了几通电话,我知道其实没有人在责怪我,是我自己不肯原谅我自己。

怎么可能原谅我自己?我联络到了妳在澳大利亚的同事和朋友们,才恍然发现。

我一直都在为了把你放下而努力,认识了很多新朋友,开开心心地过日子,也确实慢慢的已经把妳的回忆密密封封地锁在我内心的最深处。妳呢?为什么妳就不能和我一样?

当我听到妳的大学同学们告诉我,妳回去后几乎每晚都在偷偷哭泣,经常不吃饭;当我听到妳同事们说,妳经常心神恍惚,一直做错事被老板骂;妳叫我怎么可能原谅我自己?妳明明是交了新的男朋友,我们才会正式划上句号的,分手了为什么隐瞒着我?为什么妳会比我脆弱?为什么要这样糟蹋自己?

即使妳离去的原因并不是因为这些因素,而是一场意外,可是,知道了当我自己在快活当中妳却让自己苦苦受罪,这份内疚,我肯定我会一生一世都背着的。

我知道我是不能这样下去的。明天开始,我再也不会为了这件事请假了。这个背负,我会一直背着,就让我慢慢适应我肩膀上多一个负担吧。今天的放纵,会是我的第一次,也是唯一一次。

我真的很想念妳,不过,还是放妳走吧。祝妳好好上路,下世千万不要碰到像我这种不敢接受现实的鹌鹑男生了。。。

Monday, January 12, 2009

挚爱

我以为,几天就足够让我适应和放下。

我以为,早在你出国的几个月后,我就已经放下了你。

我以为,你回来的那短短的2个星期,我欣然拒绝了你的要求,是因为我真的放下了你。

直道我得知你真的已经离开了,我才发现原来全都是假的。

原来,我没有自己想象中坚强。这几天,我的情绪一天比一天差,一天比一天反复。

原来,是我一直在欺骗着自己。我根本就不曾放下过。

原来,我没有从新接受你,是因为我在逃避真正的原因:害怕你会再一次的离开而令我再次心碎。

其实,我有很多话想对你说,可恨的是现在已经太迟了,我永远都不会再有这个机会了。

其实,我一直都没有去交新的女朋友。我列出了很多借口,就是不敢说出真正的理由:因为我一直都没有再看上过任何女生,我一直都在寻找你的影子,一直都找不到。怎么可能会找到?你在我眼里那独特的气质,根本就不可能在别的女孩子身上找到。

今天,我实在压抑不住那郁闷和挫败感,提早下了班,开着车子到处乱使,一路上眼泪有好几次夺眶而出。也没有注意四周围,就盲目的看着前方踏油,不知不觉来到了一个商场,不知不觉进入了一间我们以前常约会的快餐店。原来我还是那么想念和你在一起的味道。不过,越吃就越感到心痛,怎么吃都再吃不出那令人怀念的味道了。

走到百货市场里乱晃,忍不住买下了许多我们以前共同的喜好:逛街口渴了最爱一起喝的饮料,嘴叼时最爱一起吃的零食,有时候口袋里有多余的几个零钱时爱买的饼干。其实这些东西我都会偶尔买来吃,大概是潜意思地怀念着你的味道。

对了,你很多朋友这几天都一直打电话或传简讯来骂我,骂我没良心,如果当初和你复合了,可能你今天会依然还在我们的身边。我自己也真的很懊恼,为什么当初我就是没那个胆量去从新开始。

我没有给他们正面的回答,电话来只是随便了事,简讯就完全没有回复。其实不是因为我不在乎你了而费事理会他们,而是我根本就不懂得怎样去面对他们。就随他们去恨我吧,毕竟是我间接地害了你,这样也许我会比较好受。

我不知道时间会不会慢慢冲淡这一切,也许我这一辈子都会背负这份怀念,这份自责感。

这几天,我没有一晚是睡得好的。每当我闭上眼睛,所有我们以前的画面都会浮现。其实我一直很努力地想睡着,总觉得你可能会报梦给我。睡不着是因为看到你,想睡着也是因为想再次看见你。

你知道我现在多么的痛苦吗?你知道我多么的想你吗?我今晚会尽力尝试睡着,你可不可以报个梦给我?可不可以让我告诉你,我真的很想你,如果让我再一次选择,我肯定不会选择再度放弃你?可不可以让我告诉你,其实我一直都还是深爱着你?

缺钱@Sleepless

Have been having a sleepless weekend..

Friday: Sleep 1.30am Saturday morning, woke up 5.30am, went back to sleep, woke up again 7.30am and remain awake...

Saturday: Sleep 2.00am Sunday morning, woke up 6.00am, and cannot get back to sleep anymore...

Sunday: Lie on the bed turning around, being awake all the while, from 11.00pm till 6.00am, and decided to come to office early..

I'll be damned if this continues... dare ga tasukete kudasai -.-"

Sunday, January 11, 2009

缺钱@被遗忘的特征

之前发了这个, 竟然遗忘了我个人认为鱼所拥有的最大的特征,现在补发。

我觉得,另到鱼儿们在情场上那么痛苦的个性,就是斤斤计较。

也不应该说是斤斤计较吧,应该说是,不敢尝试一些没有把握,自认为会失败的东西。

先举下别的例子。鱼儿做事情永远都是先选比较容易,有把握的先做。而一些自己觉得自己没有能力做好的事物,往往都会尽量逃避,推卸。商业上要做决定时,往往都会考虑很多因素,肯定赚钱吗?肯定办得到吗?失败的代价是什么啊?总之一句话:鱼是非常讨厌吃力不讨好的事物的。

话说回来,这个性怎么影响鱼在情场上的表现呢?

就如我刚才所说的一样,鱼是不做吃力不讨好的东西的。尤其是男生,如果没有感觉女生是喜欢他的,或女生暗示错误让他觉得女生是不喜欢他的,那么他就会在还没尝试的情况下就放弃了。

“反正她都不喜欢我,我花了一大堆心思去讨好她,就算给我追到了,也不是因为她喜欢我而选我,万一以后有个另她很有feel的人突然出现的话,我又要吃谷种了”

大概就是这样吧。对鱼而言,爱情是双方面的,如果只有单方面付出是很不公平的。我爱你,你也要爱我。只有这个作为前提,鱼才会放心去追求,因为有爱才不会往后轻言分开。

很多时候,对鱼儿最有效的暗示就是明示。要单刀直入的告诉他你是喜欢他的。而且,鱼儿是很容易动心的,只要是稍微有点姿色的女生他都会很容易产生好感的。如果说有女生主动献恩芹,他很有可能原本不喜欢也变喜欢去了。

其实我补发这个,是因为我在前面那贴忘记了D的问题。D不是鱼儿,不过她暗恋着一个鱼公,最近总觉得很懊恼,因为鱼公好像对她没什么表示。D,总算回答了你吧?

其实,我也是一条差不多这样的未进化鱼种,呵呵

缺钱@Tsukareta

こんどわほんとにつかれた。。。
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Lately, I'm beginning to wonder, did I really make the right choice to head north? Is life really much better for me here than back home?

I'm beginning to feel more and more like a female, in a sense that I feel moody @ mentally cornered in a frequency similar to a girl's you-know-what....

It's probably got nothing to do with physical cycles or something, it's more like I'm having a personal, monthly ritual of reflecting on my life for the past month or so, and always came to realise what a half-assed, lousy life that I'm leading...


When this phenomenon occurs on me, I tend to behave like some of those guys who got drunk while clubbing @ EQ being reduced to -100 and speaking out on things that are normally supposed to be reserved, and speaking them out in a very clear cut way that it pisses off or hurts other people.

For this round, I got myself thinking, am I really leading the life like I expect it to be by setting foot on this Pearl of the Orient? Maybe I'll just share some of the sentiments I'm having here, while the effects of emotional drunk-ness is still around..

The primary reason I come to Penang is because I realized, a fresh grad plying his trade here can earn a few hundred more in salary and spend a few hundred less by trading in petrol and maintenance cost with rental cost. I labored really hard to finally make it happen, and for a few months, things seem to be looking good.

Then the financial crisis came, and with it came the paycuts and force leaves. In no time, the pay range becomes similar to what I was getting back in KL. Now I can only bank on the 2nd part, the spending a few hundred less to make things happen for me soon.

I came here, thinking that I need to get out of home for a couple of years just so that I can learn to be independent. I've never been away from home for a very long time, besides that 1 semester stint in Liverpool. I guess Liverpool really opened my eyes, and made me realize, I need to get out for a while and see what it's like to be away from home for some time. Even when I was at my 1st job in the Klang Valley, I was never really satisfied.

Basically I think in this part, I got what I want. Staying alone taking care of myself, being able to work late till the night without worrying that mom is going to stay awake waiting for me to be home, meeting new friends, seeing new places.

But that was offset by my lack of being in the thick of action back in KL. The thick of action pointing to being around with alot of my friends frequently. I'm not trying to boast or blow water or anything, but you see, I have always been able to give decent comments and advice to friends who need them while attempting to get into or being in relationships. Seeing friends breaking up faster than Dow Jones fall nowadays make me kinda wonder: is it because I'm not around to 主持大局?

It is a huge bonus that I found myself yet another of the very limited number of 知己s that I have. Yeah we might not have known each other for very long, barely 4 months I think, but I guess when it clicks, it clicks. Although you have moved back to your hometown, I'm really glad that I came to Penang and to have known such a wonderful 契姐 like you. Will try to meet up more, k? *winks*

Everything has it's opposite, the good must come with the bad, positive with negative, that's the law of the universe I suppose. I found myself another 知己, but at the same time, it seems that I'm gradually losing 1 of the existing ones. I cannot think of any other reason but to put the blame on, yeah, exactly, my tendency to blurt out low EQ stuff whenever I feel mentally cornered.

Good and bad, positive and negative, yin and yang, good online and not that good offline. These canceling out effect actually happens on me all the time. It's probably because I failed to be aware of this, more often than not, that puts me in awkward, precarious situations.

You see, you have someone whom you can chat about almost anything online, naturally you would rate that person as someone who is on the same wavelength as you, and you would take that person as 1 of your best friend. And so you think, it should be the same offline. But when your best chat kaki proves to be nothing much more than just that, and instead of just accepting the plain ol' fact, you get frustrated, you start trying to force the issue, and things suddenly become weirder and weirder until, at threshold breaking point, you're not even a very good chat kaki anymore. It's like, you do it this way, and you want more, but after all the fruitless labor, ends up you can't even do it the original way anymore.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

This time, I'm really tired.. I think I really need a rest.. I would've backpacked off to some place for sightseeing, alone, if I have the cash, but since that's not the case, I probably could only doze off on the queen size bed which I'm sitting on to type right now.

And since today is in the period where I experience this monthly ritual, what I type above is actually very low in EQ.. read at your own risk...

Thursday, January 08, 2009

缺钱@我对鱼的简略分析

其实,在我四周围有很多朋友的生日日期都和我蛮接近的,也就是说有很多是双鱼座的。

不是说最近有好几个朋友闹分手吗?很不巧的,大部分也是鱼儿 -.-" 。

我是不太相信星座对于感情的分析,譬如:什么星座适合什么星座,什么星座应该做些什么来吸引异性 etc,不过,最近也发现了星座分析人的性格,大概都有一大半是准确的。

我本身也是个鱼儿,由我来说几个鱼儿的个性应该不会引起多大的抗议吧。

我觉得,鱼是个很矛盾的species。其实鱼是很渴望别人了解他的心情&想法的,不过又总是爱抛很多烟雾弹出来。尤其是当鱼想要隐藏一些事件,就会倾向于抛出一些烟雾弹来扰乱别人的视线。所谓烟雾弹,就是指做一些会令人去注意别的事情,导致忽略了真正应该注意的事情。其实烟雾弹抛多了,不但扰乱了别人的眼睛,很多时候会连自己也弄得一塌糊涂。这是鱼在很多时候都把自己弄得很痛苦的主要原因。

鱼的另一个矛盾:鱼往往都会在主动与被动之间不知所措。在一段感情里,其实鱼是很渴望成为主动的一方,不过又会因为怕出丑,怕麻烦,怕被拒绝而不敢有所行动,结果就不知不觉成了被动的一方。不过鱼又不喜欢自己是被动的,如果有人主动献恩芹,鱼就会觉得这个家伙肯定是有什么企图或不为人知的秘密。这也是为什么有很多鱼因为拿捏不准而比较难找到适合的对象。

鱼和鱼是很容易可以成为知己的,因为其实没有很多人真正的可以了解鱼的内心世界。就算是另一条鱼也很难抓到鱼本身的心灵,不过因为大家都有共同特点,所以抓不完也往往会猜到几分。不过。。。

如果要两条鱼成为情侣,是一件很困难的事情。首先,两条想主动却又是被动的鱼,谁也不敢采取进一步的行动,怎么可能走在一起咧?还有,虽然说鱼是很感性的动物,不过大部分的鱼都是很聪明的。要说分析能力和速度,恐怕没有谁可以和鱼匹敌。也就是因为这个本领,使到鱼时常都会过分忧虑很多因素。试问,两条想太多加上被动的鱼,怎能行得通?这就好比把两片磁铁,N 和 N 对对碰。

当然,有些鱼已经开窍了,改进了这些毛病,把自己变成了S。如果鱼能够遇到这种进化了的鱼,而又有缘份走在一起,那么请恭喜他们,因为我觉得这世上再也没有比这更绝配的绝配了。

其实我主要是应了3个人的要求而通过部落格来回答的,因为今天工作实在太忙,晚上她们又不上MSN,只好这样了,也顺便和大家分享。

蓝色给A红色给B绿色给C,你们自己知道自己是哪一个吧,都已经send了offline message给你们了,自己看吧。

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

缺钱@ABC v2

In this season of financial uncertainty, the more you can save, the wiser it would seem to be. And what better way to save than to cook at home instead of eating out?

To tally with point #3 of my resolution, as well as tally with my big mouth in front of my housemates, I decided to hit to the kitchens again yesterday. Was supposed to blog about this immediately after eating, but I got too tired that after uploading the photos, I went straight to bed. In fact, I even forgot that I was supposed to go back to office at night to tie up some loose ends.

Ingredients for the main kick

Yeah, main kick of the day, ABC Soup... again. But it's not the same as the previous one, in between, I went back to KL, got some tips from my mom, and supposed to have powered up.

The trick is actually.. the way to cut all the ingredients, into a pattern that I shall not reveal because it's a family secret, *ngek ngek ngek*. Since it's different, I shall name it ABC Soup version 2, or ABC v2 in short.

The soup, halfway into the dinner

I'm sorry for not taking a nice photo of it, I was just too pre-occupied with preparing and cooking and eating after that. Actually it was my housemates who reminded me to take the photos -.-".

The taste was not as rich as v1, it was just almost there, but 1 thing to take note of: I used just half as much ingredients in v2 than I did in v1, so in an economic point of view, it is a major improvement, again tally with point #3 as mentioned above.

I did 2 more dishes, Fried Sausage with Egg and Cabbage with Carrot and Shrimps.

Fried Sausage with Egg

The sausages were a complete 85% disaster. I was on small fire on the stove, I poured all the thinly cut sausages into the pan, and within 10 seconds, they transformed into something similar to 肉干 bak gua @ dried meat. PS dried meat is the term, it's actually more like marinated meat barbequed till tough.

Cabbage with Carrot and Shrimps

The cabbage and carrot were successes, but the shrimps turned into 虾米har mai @ dried shrimps upon serving -.-". Please forgive me, it is the 1st time I attempted the 2 dishes.

I think, the next time I cook, I'll do the Ah Leong @ Liverpool Specialty: 古捞肉Ku Lou Yoke@Spicy and Sour Meat. Definitely won't screw up if I do that. PS Actually it's not my specialty la, I learned it when I visited Mun in Wolverhampton back then.

But that's not a declaration or promise lah, just thinking. That dish requires mammoth effort, especially with the kitchen here not even half as big and well equipped as the one in Marybone Phase 1 Flat 44. Maybe during the weekends, maybe after we moved to our new house. Me and my housemates are supposed to move out latest 6 months from now.

Back to the present...

The soup is really nice la... isn't it?? Those who know Cannas and Bing... clarify for me please, will you both? Nice kan??

Sunday, January 04, 2009

缺钱@CKT

It's Friday today, tomorrow is Saturday, still no need to go back to work...

It's Sunday today, tomorrow is when reality kicks in again: time to go to work!

Actually, going to work is really a good thing... please don't feel dejected about it.. in the current economic climate, the people that's really dejected are those that wanna look forward to going to work, but could not...

Otakuism results:

Wednesday: KOYAK!
Thursday : KOYAK!
Friday : KOYAK!
Saturday : KOYAK!


Sunday? Today? SAMA SEKALI KOYAK!!!!

Went to the company's basketball court early in the morning to have a 45 minutes of 1-on-1 session with a colleague,

Came back for a shower,

Then went with a totji + noisy couple to town for breakfast...

Red spot is the location

The stall is known as 姐妹炒粿条 Jimui (donno how to pronounce in Hokkien) Char Kuay Teow..

By the looks at the crowds, and the size of their wok, and the total number of egg trays, their CKT should be really awesome! We came to the right place!

They even have a hand-written banner saying this:

全城仅此一家
绝无分行
Only 1 outlet in Penang
No branches

So, without hesitation, we went in and sit down...

The auntie told us that we have to wait for 30 minutes. That's surprise #1...

Nevermind, since it's so popular, waiting is expected... but it'd better be good, or else...

So we waited, and waited, and waited, and after more than 30 minutes.. it's closer to 40 I think...

Jimui Char Kuay Teow!!

I like their prawns, very Q, not like other CKT prawns that have this 入口即化 melt instantly in your mouth texture.. you know, prawns are not supposed to 入口即化...

But the CKT itself... I don't know, it tasted somewhat familiar, but it's not the CKT taste that I'm used to... let's put it this way: it tasted weird for a CKT...

It's probably just me, because there's really lots of people eating there, and all of them are willing to wait for more than half an hour... but for me, if you want me to go all the way to town and wait more than half an hour for this.. again... I'd probably 三思再三思 think 3 times, then think another 3 times before I make my decision whether on or off...

Bihun soup with sotong balls, white button mushrooms and egg

Seriously, I think the bihun soup that I cook myself for lunner taste better -.-"

PS: CKT = char kuay teow; breakfast-lunch = brunch, so lunch-dinner = lunner...

Saturday, January 03, 2009

缺钱@早知今日,又何必当初呢?

早知今日,又何必当初?Jou zhi gam yat, yau hor bit dong chor? If such an outcome is predicted, why would you still wanna do it in the 1st place?
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Like I mentioned in 1 of my previous posts, it feels like breaking up is as trendy as paycuts and retrenchments lately. In fact, it got so frequent that I have been listening to at least 2 declaration of broken hearts per week for December 2008 alone..

It's not like I'm getting pissed or angry for listening to all these, I'm more than willing to listen and share my opinion on these things even if I myself do not have that much experience apart from 1 failed relationship myself. I'm more than happy to help if it can bring cheers back to my friends.

But then, sometimes it gets kinda frustrating to find out some of the the root causes of problematic relationships...

Lenglui's is a frustrating case of girlfriend vs family which probably nothing much can be done of. Well now I'm going to talk abit about something which I feel is almost if not totally opposite.
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There's this girl (yes, it's a girl again -.-") that I've known that attends the same tuition centre as I did when I was in... Form 3. Although we're not in the same school and did not went to the same college, we do still keep in touch and meet up once in a while, although meeting up has become next to impossible after my heading up here to Penang..

Anyway, this girl.. she is not exactly the prettiest of girls, but she has a personality that makes guys easily attracted to her. Hahahaha yeah right, I was 1 of them too -.-" For anonimity, I'll just call her... Magnet, ok?

You see, there was this guy from the same tuition class as well, whose totally into Magnet. I know we're Form 3 back then, but this guy, it was always Magnet for him, and it still is, seriously... Maybe I'll just call him... KiSiao for being so deeply in love with her.

You might wanna ask me, what's so kisiao about being deeply in love with a girl for a long period of time? Let me continue..

The thing is, Magnet has never treated KiSiao like someone who could potentially be a boyfriend, ever. Sometimes, we would go yumcha together, we all know that KiSiao has a thing for Magnet, and we would try to do what friends do best, arrange it to be convenient for them, but in the end, nothing happened.

KiSiao is really 1 heck of a guy. The tuition centre is actually near my home, as it is to most of the students, so we would just walk there. This crazy fella, let me put it in this crudely self-made map...


This crazy fella, instead of going straight to the tuition centre, he would somehow take a route that would pass by Magnet's house on his way to tuition, ALL THE TIME, and waited nearby until she leaves home, just so that he can "coincidentally" bump into her while going to tuition..

I also remember that on her birthday, he actually bought her a bush of red roses and a necklace that I later found out costed RM200 over. We were just Form 3 back then, just to remind you.

There's still loads of things that he did for her, but I'm not gonna mention them 1 by 1, because it would be an endless list. Let's just continue...

I did mention, Magnet was not moved at all. KiSiao's efforts went unanswered. I left the tuition centre after Form 3, Form 4 and 5 I attended a fehmes tuition centre in KL. But I do know from our yumcha session time to time that it was more or less the same story throughout our high school life...

Then, on 1 of our yumcha occasion when I was in college, Magnet brought a guy along! That's like... the ultimate pierce on KiSiao's heart.... and on our future sessions, this guy became quite a regular among us... I'll call him.. Yaro.. it's a Japanese word that I hear all the time in animes..

Non of us really liked this Yaro to be honest. He's not handsome, he's not rich, and most importantly, he's not gentleman. We can't really figure out why Magnet likes him. I'll highlight how ungentlemanly this Yaro is.

When Magnet first introduced him to us, we were all some sort of like, watchful.. wanting to find out what kind of a deal he is. Naturally, we'd expect him to be a 100% gentleman to his girl.. I mean, hey, it's the first time you meet her friends, don't you just wanna like.. send some sort of a signal out that she's your girl, and score some brownie points in front of her friends?

There was only 1 vacant chair at that moment, because we were only expecting Magnet. This Yaro, he came, and instead of looking for another chair, he just sit down himself and left his girl standing. End up, yeah it was KiSiao who went and asked for another chair from the mamak.

The situation was pretty awkward with Yaro around, and after awhile, his phone rang. After answering it, he just stood up and said, he's got another yumcha session in another place. I don't know about you guys, but if it was me, there'd be 2 things that I'd do:

1. Ditch the other bunch of friends and stick to my girl.

2. Apologise, ask my girl to leave with me because I want to send her safely back home myself.


Yaro? He just went to Magnet, said bye, and then... left! He did not even bother to find out if there's anyone else who would send her girl back home. And he didn't even pay for the roti telur and teh tarik that he ate! It was KiSiao who sent Magnet home that night (obviously)...

It took just that once for us to decide, we don't like Yaro. We felt sorry for KiSiao too, we were rooting for him all the while..
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Shit.. that was a pretty damn long briefing... wasn't really my intention to type that much, but once I'm into it, couldn't really control, and since I've typed them out, heck might as well just leave it here..

Anyway, back to the problem. Just last week, yeah Christmas week, I actually had a brief meet up with Magnet just so to hear her out.

What happened was, she broke up with Yaro, for real, finally.. from our MSN conversations, what I know is that, theirs was a case like 1 of LeeHom's song which sounds like this: 情人总分分合合, 可是我们却越爱越深... Except, this time it's probably for real..

Her reason was: "It seems like his friends are more important than me! And he gets mad when I meet up with my own friends!"

As much as I sympathize her, I couldn't help but think of the phrase in my title... jou zhi gam yat, yau hor bit dong chor neh??

I mean.. I do feel sorry for her.. I really do.. after all, it really depends on the "灰令" feeling to get involved in a relationship. Sometimes, got feel = got feel, no feel = no feel, full stop. If u are fall in love with a dickhead, then there's nothing much we can do about it too, right?

It's just that, sometimes it baffles me: if the guy is a dickhead, why would a girl fall for him in the first place? Yeah, you can say feel is the factor, but I heard from people that girls do not judge guys by appearance that much, but other things, how he treat her being the most important.

Yet, out of the many cases I've heard and am hearing at the moment, there's very many cases where the moment we got introduced to the guy, we instinctively know he's crap, but somehow, the girl involved keeps getting involved in the relationship for a prolonged period of time until 1 day, she decides that enough is enough...

Magnet's is such a case, it was pretty obvious to us that Yaro was treating her as if she's nothing, so I suppose she probably knew that too... except that in her case, we have KiSiao here to consider as well...

You see, it's probably due to the fact that I'm not a girl and therefore don't know how a girl thinks, but.. it's just mind boggling to me that here, you have a dude who'd do anything for you, who'd probably even die for you, and who will never look at countless other girls in his own school, college, and uni, and you have no feel for him whatsoever, hence he is still eating 谷种 guk zhong as of currently..

Then, there's an asshole who is ungentlemanly, did minimal things for you, doesn't really care about you, break your heart all the time, and you have a great deal of feel for him, willingly get into a relationship with him, and take very very much longer than enough to finally realize that he's crap...

Is feel really that blindly? Or is it that girls are actually more inclined to feel disinterested with guys who would do anything for them? Then why the hell do the same girls used to tell me that for girls, it's not important how guys look, but more on how the guys treat them.

Maybe I misunderstood. Maybe they meant, the more shitty you treat them, the more they are interested with you -.-"
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Anyway, Magnet told me that she officially broke up with Yaro and will never turn back again. I did sort of mention about KiSiao, but.. her response?

"Erm, he's nice, but, cannot lah, really don't have the feel"

Haih... I have been rooting for KiSiao and his spirit of 默默耕耘 mo mo geng yun @ patiently farming all the while, but from the signs, it seems like KiSiao will be eating 谷种 guk zhong for a very long time, maybe even for the rest of his life, unless he can break free and look for a girl that he truly deserves and that deserves him..
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Fulamak.. macham very wordy, this post, sorry mates -.-"

Friday, January 02, 2009

缺钱@Lousy Declaration

Seems like eating our words is the trend nowadays, even for me...

After declaring on Wednesday that I'm going to be an otaku for this week, below are the results:

Wednesday : Drove 50km to somewhere called Pokok Asam to send a good friend back home, and then another 50km back. This Pokok Asam place is supposed to be on the borders of Penang mainland and Kedah.

Thursday : Went to AEON Seberang Perai City to check some things out, then went to Cath's house to have some unlimited free food. Thanks auntie!

Friday (today) : Went breakfast with Cannas and Bing at Kampung Jawa, then went to town with Bing to attempt to check if my SLK can be fitted with rear seatbelts, then went to Prangin Mall to help Bing look for external hard disk. End up, I am the one who drew 1st blood!


Please, notebook cooler pad is not similar to sanitary pad =.="


If you are a HP user, this thing will be useful, because HPs tend to overheat quickly..

And trust me, you don't want that to happen, because changing a HP original heat sink will cost you RM190 hardware and RM95 labour cost for troubleshooting..


This baby is just RM15 (the salesman said RM10 in PC Fair) and it comes with nice blue LED lights...

Anyway, the point is, after my declaration of otakuism, I went out in the 3 consecutive days. And things would probably not get any better because tomorrow, I'm going out jogging in the morning, and will go and do a pick up at Sg Nibong Bus Terminal in the afternoon...

And next Monday, work resumes... let's see if Sunday will be any better in terms of sticking my butt at home all day...

Thursday, January 01, 2009

缺钱@New Year Resolution?

It's a brand new year already, and in this supposingly auspicious Year of the Bull, my new year resolution would be upgraded from 2.0 Megapixel to 10.1 Megapixel in the form of Canon Digital Rebel XS...

. . . . . .

Sorry, not funny, I know.. seems like I'm already deeply infected by this paycutitis syndrome..

Wait.. the spelling seems kinda weird.. maybe paycut-itis paycutyourtits is a much more appropriate spelling..

Okay okay.. enough...

So.. yeah it's finally 2009 already! Yay!!! Hooray!!!!! Bansai!!!!!!!!! Woohoooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry mates, as much as I would like to arouse myself, the mood just isn't there. I'm still anxious as of what 2009 has to offer in terms of economic revival. Everywhere I read, it's more or less something that sounds like this: 2009 is expected to be much more uncertain than 2008. We should be able to see the real deal after Chinese New Year.

Anyway, having some plans is much better than no plans at all, right? Well if you have no plans, at least have some ideas on what you wanna do for the year.. it's gonna be good for you... trust me..

So I'll just list out things that I intend to fulfil in this Year of the Bullsh*t:

1. Hang on to my job - wait a minute... do you think this is not a plan? Mind you, in turbulent times such as this, it's easier for people (read manager) to notice your weaknesses and dispose of you.. I intend to do everything right and not give me' boss any reasons to show me the boot. Like what me' boss' boss said: "In a downturn, paycut 10%, effort increase 10%"

2. Clean up all my financial shits - I can't help but say it again.. being jobless really sucks! I've been without income for about 4 months, and about 4 months into re-employment, there's still some mess to be cleaned up with the bank. Am just gonna be vague about this point and keep it to myself..

3. Savings/Invest - This thing can only come after point number 2 is settled. Seriously, we all need savings. One can never tell when there is an emergency situation just around the corner. Having a buffer of say, at least money enough for a few months of survival is essential. However, since many indicators are pointing to the market rebounding in the 2nd half of the year, if I manage to save up, I think I'll use a big chunk of it for stocks.

4. Cashout from Nuffnang for the 1st time - I'm almost there for the minimum cashout amount, but.. don't think there's any idiot out there who does it at the RM50 level. RM50 is so small today that you can't really do anything significant with it. I'd do it when the amount accumulated is good enough to.. say.. throw a makan feast for all my friends who helped me re-ignite my blogging desire.

5. Turn from Fat Buu into Kid Buu - If you don't follow Dragon Ball, then just refer to the picture below:


Actually, I'm just referring to the size, not personality of that 2 Buus. I've been cutting down on snacks, I've bought myself a badminton racket, I've identified a good spot for jogging, I've signed up for access to my company's Gym so.. hopefully everything will work out fine. Furthermore, paycut is another boost for me to reduce unnecessary food consumption.
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I'll also list a couple of things that was in plan for this year, but has become uncertain due to circumstances:

1. Buy a new car - Initially, the plan was to get myself a new car after settling down to my new job here in Penang. It was gonna be a choice between the 2 models below:


But... don't think I will be looking into them anymore this year, maybe next or next next year when normal pay resumes.. well actually, it all depends on how well my SLK can last with my travels between KL and Penang around once every 2 months.

Tada, my SLK = Sexy Little Kancil

Having a car is a necessity for hanging around in Penang.. be it for work, for going to town in weekends, for fetching and sending girls around... so if 1 day my SLK decides that enough is enough, then only I'll be forced to look into alternatives...

2. Get a girlfriend - Being in my current financial predicament means that if I get myself a girl, whoever it may be, would be disaster both for her and for me. You see, I'm 1 of those "大男人 dai nam yan @ big man" kind of guy and if we go dating, I would wanna foot all the bills, I would wanna bring her to nice places, buy her nice things, bring her on nice trips, etc. Doing that would render my resolution #2 and #3 above unattainable, and when I get into deeper shit, naturally it would impact the girl. So... lonely as I am, girlfriend would have to wait and, hello to being single and lonely once more for year 2009!
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I'm getting kinda tired.. and I think that's about it... Let's see where I'll be in terms of fulfilling what I mentioned exactly 1 year from now...