Sunday, March 22, 2009

ひさしぶりのEmotified

Short note to the blog hoppers:
If you intend to leave your mark in my cbox, at least do something more.. sincere lah, like saying Hi, or like the latest cbox message from sean, commenting on 1 of my posts. Saying things like "blog hopping" or "just passing by" will only make me delete them, because I really feel these nonsense message are a sore in the arse..

I'm just trying to relay a message to whoever thinks it is relevant to them.

I know I have been ignoring some people on MSN as of lately, I also know I have stopped meeting up with some people whenever I do go back to KL. I just wanted to let you guys know, yeah I totally intended it to be like that.

Heck, even the mates here in Penang, I have snubbed them/caused them to snub me, whichever way more appropriate, for more than one occasion.

I don't wanna hurt anyone, but I guess I'll better be straightforward, since that's the way I am..

I have mentioned to you guys, not once, not twice, but multiple times, I AM NOT IN A GOOD STATE OF MIND, and given the pile of shit tonning up, I can't yet see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I have mentioned too, not once, not twice, but multiple times too, PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH AND YOU SYMPATHIZE ME, because I am 120% sure you don't understand, so please stop giving me half-baked advices which you think would do the trick.

To top things off, I have also mentioned, multiple times as well, WHEN I'M DOWN, MY FACE WILL SHOW. It doesn't help when you keep harping on how I must look happy when I am among you guys, and how I scare people off with my black face. I know all of that, I try avoid doing that whenever possible, but sometimes it just gets too mentally strenuous to do that especially if I had a bad day.

The reason I stopped replying your MSN messages/call you guys out when I'm in town is because, I have mentioned those things that many times, most of the time unwillingly, and I still hear the same shit from you guys. It just confirms that you don't understand at all..

"Oh... got leng jie, then dowan choi us already lah!" <= Bullcrap.. The reason I dowan to choi you is because you are getting on my nerves at times and I'm afraid if I respond to you, it would only lead to heated arguments. I like hanging out with leng jie because she doesn't assume to know what I'm going through, she won't give me crappy advices, she would listen to me, and she would gladly watch me shed tears when I feel like it. That's the kind of company you need when you are in a dire situation.

I know it's tough for you guys too, because like I said, you guys don't really comprehend my predicament. You see, this notion "When you are unhappy, you should hang around with a big bunch of friends and cheer up" only applies on normal pek cek cases, as what most of you would be accustomed to. It doesn't work on seriously big magnitude stuff, and when you try forcing the issue, it tends to get worse.

I don't know, I suppose I'll just stop here. I don't think doing the deep talks would go down well, most of you guys are not interested with my deep talks anyway, I know it.

Actually, I just wanna emphasize, I'm really getting tired of having to put up with all these good willed-but-inappropriately-executed concerns. If you really wanna help me, you could try to bear with my deep talking and understand the deep meaning behind them, or you can just.. keep quiet... Really sorry about that...

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