Tuesday, September 01, 2009


Is it true that the older we get, the more difficult it is to discover and maintain a very mutual, 100% pure friendship?

This is a question that has been playing around my head over the weekend, a question that I suspect will haunt me for the rest of my life, or at least a large chunk of my life.

I have a group of friends that I know will always form an integral part of my life, friends that I made in primary and secondary school. These are the few people that I know will back me up no matter what I do, and that I know I will back up no matter what they do. These are also the very people that knows me inside out (almost) and that I hopefully knows to that extent as well.

I have a couple of "sister"s... if you get what I mean, those very close female friends that I made in various activities I joined, in secondary school and high school. These are wonderful ladies that almost share the same ideology on friendship as me, these are people whom I can always count on to come out and have a drink whenever I feel down, just so that I can voice out my frustrations, complain, and even cry without holding back. Of course I'd do the same if they happen to need me that way.

I even have someone I call leng ma. Not in a literal way though, she's not really old enough to be my mom, she's just old enough to be a mother to a cute little girl, leng ma is just my way of calling this very good friend of mine. I actually got to know leng ma through an online chatting portal some years back, actually many years back, way back since I was in high school. Leng ma is another wonderful woman that I know will hold a very dear position in my life, for the rest of my life. She is another friend that I know I can date, have dinner with, and talk about all sorts of nonsense without any fear and suspicion.

That was school. School was fun. College time? I wasn't a very sociable dude in college... Actually, I was a very unsociable bloke in college. In fact, I spent almost half of my college time in Brewball Ampang Point, and another large chunk in the library instead of lecture halls. I didn't make much friends in college, apart from a handful few from the same course, and quite a few more during my stint in LJMU. Yeah LJMU... Liverpool was fun, Europe was fun, and yeah, 1 of my best chat mate was known during that time... but then, practically, that's it.

What drives me crazy, which is the main reason I'm blurting these out, is life after college, the working life. It annoys me deeply that when we leave the student life behind, most of us also leave behind the sense of pureness behind.

We are no longer able to be just friends with the opposite sex. The moment you get near one, the environment will basically shout at you and swallow you up with the "ha! kao lui ah ha!" bullshit.. And when we do get near one, instead of focusing on mutual friendship, we tend to second guess what's on his/her mind? Are we just friends? Does he/she want something else from me?

It hurts me deeply when I realize, if you've got yourself a boyfriend/girlfriend, then you cannot maintain a very close friendship with another guy/girl, even if you were already best friends way before you met this potential life partner. The easiest and most common justification would be: "The bf/gf gets jealous, they feel unsecure", "If you've already got me, why the fuck do you still wanna fren fren with the other guy/girl? --- gatal issit?" etc etc.. and so, you stay away from even your best friend.

I'm not good at all in the art of camouflaging, and certainly not good in serious lying. When I'm sad, I show it on my face. Blokes like me tend to not make very many friends, because everyone is afraid of people who always have the sour face with them. We thrive on the few mutual friends that we have, that can accept what we are, why we are like that, and not fret about it. So when we lose one of these friends, it gets pretty tough to get over it and move on, because we know it is really not that easy to find another such friend.

I'm listening to this song right now, and I'm feeling god damn emo...

范玮琪 - 一个像夏天 一个像秋天

我们一个像夏天 一个像秋天

遇见一个人然后 生命全改变

如果不是你 我不会相信
朋友比情人 还死心塌地
就算我忙恋爱 把你冷冻结冰
你也不会恨我 只是骂我几句

如果不是你 我不会确定
朋友比情人 更懂得倾听
我的弦外之音 我的有口无心


Well... I don't know what I'm saying anymore, getting dizzy, might as well just go to sleep, thanks for reading yet another pile of rubbish I've just written, kthxbye~


Yee said...

And it pains us just as much to see your self esteem being systematically destroyed. You don't deserve people who does not know how to appreciate you. You don't deserve people that treats your biggest gift as your biggest weakness.

Just, come back, come back to where you belong. All of us miss you.

vicvic said...

Human are Selfish, that's why. haihz..

misstangguo said...

hi there!!

cool blog, just dropping by!!!

have a great day ahead... =]